General Member
Currently, the interim order is every second weekend and half of school holidays - the skids are very upset by this. This was brought about because my fiance kept them after they made serious disclosures which we needed to have investigated before we felt confident the children were safe. There wasn't any malice meant by it, just protection of the children. This now also has to be proven in the court to avoid a contravention. We are confident it will be dismissed due to the nature of the disclosures.
Back to topic.. we have an upcoming Family Court date and we are seeking 50/50 equal shared care. We have had approx. 35% for the past 3yrs (however we've only been able to get the mother to admit this from Sept. 2008 - we have calendars from before that though). The travel distance from our home to the chidlren's school (they are all at school as of this year) is 40mins (according to whereis.com). The mother lives about 2mins drive away from the children's school. My fiance's ex-wife is stating this would be detrimental to every aspect of their lives if this was to occur - due to the distance. We have family support to assist with transportation of the children to and from school whenever they need it. So if we had an arrangement week with mother/week with father then we would be able to easily manage. She refuses to accept our transport arrangements unless it is the father only doing the driving - and, as he works shifts, this would never be reasonably possible. We used to live nearly 2hrs away and the children used to pick them up and take them back at least once a fortnight. We moved 40mins away to see the children more - I travelled 90mins to work each day to enable this. We feel the tightening of the screws happened when the CSA acknowledged we actually had the children overnight (which was always the case but never admitted by the mother).
The children are very used to travelling - since they were 2, 3 & 4 - travelling an hour o spend time with their Dad. We have proof but the mother is swearing that this was never the case. I have financial statements/photographs/ticket stubs/holiday tickets, etc. that could easily prove they were with us at different points. Can these be used?
So my big questions are these:
* Will the court see the 40mins travel for 5, 6 & 8 y.o children as reasonable?
* Can the mother, without any reason or danger to the children, disallow the children to be dropped off/picked up by a close, safe, responsible and familiar relative?
* What documents can we provide to the courts to support our case? And when? And how? (We have a solicitor but we have already thrown a lot of money away on him due to aspects of our case that we already knew about or could have quite easily found out - we still don't have the confidence to self-represent though).
Please help - we are desperate. We know things won't be settled out of court - we have desperately tried and tried. We want to be prepared in every way.
Please respond. We need urgent advice. "
Now that all sounds good (if you ignore the fact that they reported the mother but not out of malice mind you), except if you read the real story that Tex1 was so kind as to provide details on various step parenting forums on the net.
Some quotes from Tex1:
"Thanks - anything to get rid of BM. She is disgusting and we truly believe she has a psychological disorder."
"BF and I have attended 2 meetings with BM and her partner in the last fortnight to try to settle out of court. Before that we have had several meetings with solicitors to try for mediation. No luck - she treated me terribly because I called DoCS (with BF) about disclosures made by the skids. It is all very hard - and, yes, I still believe she has played a big part in happenings of an inappropriate nature - even if she wasn't hands on (which we may never know as she and the children were briefly interviewed). DoCS let the skids down and now we are temporarily worse off than ever before."
"BM is trying to bribe BF into meeting with her (and sometimes the skids) once a month before she will agree out-of-court to 50/50 custody. We don't want to do this but then we don't want to lose the chance of an agreement of care being reached. We think she is bluffing and will sign off anyway - but 3 little kids depend on that bluff! She said the skids need to see their Mum and Dad happy and together, and that they 'need' family meetings."
BM said she is concerned about the travel because it will be hard on us (BF and I) financially."
"No - she wants unrestricted acces to BF all of the time. She wants to call him about non-urgent issues when an email will suffice.
BF is happy to 'fake' pleasantness to BM at changeover, on the phone, etc. It has been happening the whole time. "
"He did this as the children made disclosures to us and DoCS of a serious nature, mentioning bm directly. Bm was barely investigated and talked her way out of it with no consequences - I won't mention here but it would make you ill if you knew. So, DH kept the skids with us until we could take what we still believe were protective measures.
We were stressed and unprepared when she took us to court - and she had every piece of paperwork possible to let the courts know she was 'mother-of the year' material. We looked stupid"
"We are even considering applying for greater than 50% custody of the skids as bm is damaging the skids relationship with DH. "
"meanwhile she has used me to babysit a zillion times"
:BM is constantly emailing us about how much the SD5 and SS7 have difficulties with me"
"My SS8 has been depressed for sometime now."
"I am due to marry BF in about 5 months yet we continue to battle against each other about BM's controlling ways."
"BM used to interfere with our lives here however we have made it quite clear we don't want anything from her in our house. She is dirty and manipulative. I organise the skids to have something for BF and BF organises them when it is my birthday.... no more intereferance from BM - we despise her. "
"he knows he can't do 50/50 without me as he is a shift worker and I am teacher so I am around more and take care of skids a lot by myself. Doesn't seem to stop him from being inconsiderate. When I say that it is outrageous that he would speak to me like he does at times he says things like "Here we go - the martyr" or "You knew what you were getting into when we met"... he's even called me jealous and selfish (since taken back but still damaging)."
"BM is sick - selfish and has caused much much more distress than ever had to occur from a divorce. She has played the skids against their father, etc. She is disgusting."
"She wants constant communication - we want NONE. She is a freak and we're embarrassed to be seen anywhere with her. She is always dirty and underdressed or dressed in rags.... and I am not saying that to be spiteful.... she chooses it to be "alternate". She's also had some abusive episodes.... too touchy feely with BF and sometimes even me! YUK! I'm developing OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) because of her (constantly washing my hands!)."
"Tough love is a must at times, otherwise it will be set up for huge even more dramatic problems in the teen years! Nip it in the bud asap, in my opinion."
The mother is obviously trying to talk to your fiance and work things out with the kids and has offered 50/50 parenting and wants change overs to be friendly but it is YOU that has the problems. You called DOCS on her. Your NSW policeman fiance needs to man up and tell you to back off. You don't care about the kids at all, you just care about yourself and your own petty jealousies. Get over it. Maybe you and Leeahn can form a close and loving liason and bitch about the stepchildren constantly when you're not being a schoolteacher.
Maybe Tex1 the problem lies with you and your jealousy and spiteful nature. You are a bully. Maybe you need a bit of your own"tough love" to show you what for? In the words of Pink Floyd, leave those kids alone!!!
A note to familylawwebguide.com.au, the women that you are attracting are not helping your cause at all. Leeahn, Tex1 et al really are spiteful witches intent on hurting children and taking mothers to court purely to fuel a hate war. These stepmothers are posting utter bullshit to the mens forums and not telling the truth and that surely can't be good for the Mens Movement can it?
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