That's where the money went!!!

Wayne Butler and his cronies at Shared Parenting Council missed out on the government funding their woman and child hating forum and Barry Williams despite his frantic sucking up (sorry lobbying) in Canberra failed to secure more retirement funds to finance his cushy jetsetting lifestyle must be stewing in their own juices when the Department of Human Services announced that they would instead be sending the funds to the Child Support Agency.

The $223.2 million in funding is specifically to maintain services and address the mounting Child Support debt. As Child Support is exactly that and intended for the support of children, there are an awful lot of Australia fathers who don't give a toss about their children.

A recent media release also detailed the amount of greedy men seeking to take advantage of the governments generous stimulus payment and lodged their tax returns only to end up getting caught by the Child Support Agency for non payment of Child Support.

It must really grate! Good!


http://www.humanservices.gov.au/dhs/media/archives/ludwig/0905/090512-extra-in-supporting-separated-families.html


Lifestyle Guide for the Divorced and Unemployed.

FOREWORD

I was once a normal person. I had a loving family, a beautiful wife and two young boys. After several years in the workforce as a wage earner, mainly in the Commonwealth Public Service, I decided to spread my wings and take on private enterprise. My intent was to be able to provide the best for my family. I was very successful, I was even awarded two Australian Productivity Council Awards in the same year for best small business and best quality product; in the latter award I beat such large enterprises as the Hobart City Council, Cadbury's the chocolate factory and even Pasminco Hobart Smelter. I was a souvlaki maker, owning one of the Parthenon Souvlaki Bars, number four, in Salamanca Place, of Hobart and also the most successful shop of all in the chain. I engaged in an aggressive promotion of my business and products thus proving, to present and future clientele, that souvlakis, cooked properly under the guidance of the National Heart Foundation, are a healthy alternative to regular junk food. I was motivated to this course as I had suffered high blood pressure and cholesterol levels. It dawned on me that I ate most of my meals at the shop. Hence if I was to regain my health I would need to change cooking processes at work. I ran a business with eight full timers and about a dozen casuals. I owned a near waterfront property in the upmarket suburb of Tranmere. I even put in a proposal to the city council that resulted in the widening of the footpath along Salamanca place, combating conservative factions of the council and changing the look of Salamanca forever. Up until then my business was the only one with tables and chairs out the front. Salamanca place, with its widened footpath, is now renown world wide for its cosmopolitan atmosphere and its ample al fresco eateries. I was successful, overworked and overpaid. It all came crashing down when I realised that my marriage was to come to an end.

I won't go into any of the specifics of my divorce. I have moved on and besides, this is a book about surviving divorce. I don't even wish to give the impression that it was my ex wife's fault. It always takes two to mess things up. I was a slob and never spent a lot of time at home. I did pay for a gardener, a maid and the occasional dog's body to chop and stack wood; however that was no substitute for being there. I would wake up at 6am and come home at 10pm at the earliest. During the last year of my marriage I lived a zombie like lifestyle. I would get home, maybe have a quick bite to eat and then lay in bed, quite often fully clothed. I would not dream. I would close my eyes and after a split second open them, only to discover that it was morning and the ritual was to start all over again; a Ground Hog's Day nightmare. I didn't see my kids very often due to my extended working hours. I had become my father. I resorted to buying one of the early model mobile phones and installing it in my four wheel drive, so that I could chat to my boys whilst in between shopping for supplies. My wife did warn me not to buy another seven day a week business, and I tried. I looked for six months and the only profitable ones I could find were the seven dayers. The problem was that the state government had given out a heap of redundancies. This resulted in a surplus of businessman wannabes that had more money than sense. Every time I tried o negotiate a fair price for the purchase of a business, a wealthy redundant ex state public servant would crop up and pay top dollar. In about a year, there was a glut of businesses for sale at bargain basement prices...on the market because the same ex public servants discovered that there is a lot of work involved in running a business. I honestly did try.

Suffice to say I was lost. I wasn't just broke, I was in debt to the tune of about $16,000 with a strong desire not to go bankrupt, but no idea how to repay my debts. If I owed half a million thereabouts, it would be logical to declare bankruptcy. But the amount that I owed was too little for bankruptcy and too much to be able to repay, whilst out of work. I also had no idea where to go from here. I can remember the very first time I had access to my children and the very first time I had to drop them off and leave alone. I cried a lot. I often tell anyone that is kind enough to listen that the day my marriage ended was the worst day of my life. On that day, I discovered that I had lost my wife to my best friend (editor's note. I recently found out that it was to my two best friends!!). I also discovered that the baby girl in my wife's womb was not mine. Unfortunately little Zoe did not make it, she died after being four and a half months in her mother's belly. Ironically, Zoe means life, in the Greek language. My two German Shepherds were also put down that day. It was as low as I could get. But I survived. I became stronger for it. There is only one thing that could devastate me now and that would be the loss of a child. The good news is that any other disasters life will throw at me are minor in comparison. This is why I smile a lot. Nothing bugs me, no one truly upsets me (except when trying to hit me in a night club) and up until recently, I've chosen to live one day at a time. My volatile ex girlfriend Julie (we were actually engaged three times in five years) gave me reason to move on, reason to want to grow, reason to set not only financial goals but moral and spiritual ones as well. I'm still exploring the latter having been an atheist all my life. I'm not into church worship; traditional Greek Orthodox exposure has put me off for life. Instead I try and live my life honestly, believing in the concept of Good Karma. Do the right thing and life will eventually give you what you want. It's a strange concept to grasp when the reality hits you that you don't really know what you really want. I used to think that it was riches; I now realise it is something as simple as stability. To be happy with what you have and who you are is the beginning of accepting yourself. It's been said in many self help books that first you must learn to love yourself before you can truly love another. You must also learn to live your life for yourself and not through or for some one else.

Let there be no doubt that this is a highly soul bearing book. Some of you may even feel embarrassed whilst reading some sections. Some of you may not get past the regular bragging and sexual adventures. The point that I try to make is that this is how I survived by reacting in that particular fashion. All caution went to the wind. The other point to bear in mind is that if now, down the track, I attempted to re-write many of the passages; I would be lessening the quality of the whole…and why? For the sake of making me feel safer via the lessening of the embarrassment factor of the segments? Its best to leave my work alone as it truly reflects how my mind operated at the time. Keeping things unfiltered, unchanged may result in some crassness; but at least it is valid crass…well here it goes:

In September of 1991 I was miserable, lonely and lost. I thought that my world had come to an end. What I would like this book to be is, for starters an easy read, which any one can come to realise that life is what you make of it. You start with nothing, its all downhill hill from there. If only I could have grasped that single concept at the time, I may not have worried so much. I made a commitment to myself that I would write all my thoughts, as silly as they might seem in hindsight, with only corrections to grammar and spelling. I have written sober, intoxicated and stoned. I have written when happy, when angry and when sad. I have employed a disorganised approach, as that is also the way my mind was working at the time. You will experience flash backs and my never ending fetish for side tracking and shooting off in tangents. I talk about how to succeed in business and university. I even mention several great feeds, to the point that I have included a recipe section at the back. I did work as a chef in many restaurants over the years.

The actual inspiration to start writing about my experiences came in 1997 when my father died. A realisation emerged that my wonderful father who had provided all for me over the years actually didn't. Dad gave me material items, anything I wanted, all I had to do was ask, or whinge. What Dad didn't do was talk to me, give me a chance to get to know him, find out what his thoughts were on any issues. I realised that I didn't know that much about him. He was too busy providing for his family, too busy working seven days a week. I guess I turned out much the same, only I didn't have as tolerant a wife as he did. I didn't want that to happen to my kids; not really knowing what their father was like, so I started writing. I was devastated at the loss of my father. It was not a good year. A few months earlier I had also lost my close friend Derek Chan. A wonderful, brimming with promise young man of 19, Chinese by descent, and my top choice as my assistant head of security at the night club that I worked. Derek died in a freak car accident, when his new sports car rolled out of control (possibly was left in neutral with the hand brake not quite on) out of his garage, down his steep drive way and ran him over. I miss them both.

I never intended to write a book, it started as just a few notes on a cheap laptop, sort of a diary. I was so down, that I ended up resigning from all my casual jobs. All I did for several months was write. It felt good to get my thoughts on paper, and like I said, the intent was so that there would be a permanent record for my children to read later on in life, in case I made the same mistake as my father. I was oblivious to all around me during this phase of my life. If I forgot to pay the hydro bill, I simply used kerosene powered lights and cooked in my four foot long open fire place. At night, which is when I did my best work, I would borrow power via a very long extension cord, from the communal power in the laundry room, from the block of flats that I lived in. At six am and before my landlady would arrive for her daily reconnaissance inspections, I would retrieve the extension cord and catch some sleep, only to repeat the ritual in the afternoon, when I knew that the coast was clear.

It does amaze me that when I decided that I would actually keep writing with the expressed intent of putting together a self help book on surviving divorce; that I would end up working for a government agency dealing with post divorce/separation support. I am a technical advisor with this agency. Its straight forward, plenty of client contact and minimal exposure to office politics. If the topic hadn't been a boring one, I may have written about office scurrying. I guess that at the end of the day, human interactions will always involve some level of manoeuvrings. It's very entertaining to watch less popular staff align against popular staff and try and score points against each other. Once you become aware that this is happening, you can do away with reality TV shows and entertain yourself at work. It will certainly make the day go faster. Lets face it, if you have to work for a living, not having had the benefit of a very fat inheritance etc., then it is imperative that you either love what you do for a living or…chose a job where time flies. I don't think that many would believe my following comment…I love my job and time also flies. I just wish that it paid better. Having spoken to several colleagues that do the same work in other countries, we seem to get paid more for what we do.

I tell you now, I am no expert in anything that I talk about, and life has been my apprenticeship. Learn from my mistakes as I eventually did. I just seemed to have amassed a very wide range of experiences in life and have some how managed to survive it all. If I can survive, anyone can. The difference to you is that you have the precious opportunity of learning how another survivor did it. Remember, divorce or separation is not an end; it is the beginning of a new era, a rebirth, and a unique chance to start all over again and hopefully not make the same mistakes. Your forward growth will actually commence the moment that you stop looking at that rear vision mirror. Its that simple.

Good luck in your journey.